Places...

Today, aahhh today, what a day. Have you ever been at that point in life where you look at what is going on and realize, "If I stay in this situation, job, spot, whatever, that I am in right now, I am going to be absolutely miserable." I hit that spot today. I am in the military. Now, I love my job, what I do not love is that I rarely get to actually do my real job, that is the job that I was trained to do, the job that I enjoy and the job that I enlisted for. My job is one of those that only gets done while deployed, only a job that is applicable when there is an enemy or a mission. Otherwise, I get stuck on other jobs. It is those other jobs that I detest. It is these other jobs that fill my time between deployments, fill most of my years of service. Now don't get me wrong, how good or bad thes other jobs are, depends on the unit you are with at the time. Some are pretty good, with relaxed people who use common sense and understand that the time between being gone is the most important time and shouldn't be wasted. Then there are other places that never really understand or have the insight into the big picture and what is important. THey are filled with tedious procedures that have no other purpose than to provide a lengthy and draining process to a relatively simple task. Filled with bureaucracy and people who think they are ten times more important and smart than they actually are. It is these places that make my life miserable. I am in such a place now, a place where each day seems to drain away a part of my soul that I will never get back. Like a tick sucking dry my life blood. It may not be overtly horrible, but it eats at your core and before you have realized what is going on, you are forever changed. An empty husk, like an ancient king that has all but sunken in and become part of his throne, oh, but once he knew glory and honor. That is how these places make me feel. Have you ever been in a place where you knew you out shined your peers and leadership alike. A place where all of your potential and the skills you have worked hard to hone, sharpened over time, skills that once you were recognized for, are all but gone. Wasted away with the rest of your soul from having no place to put them to use. Having you hands tied when you know you could help, having your responsibility taken away when you know you could share the burden. A place where you wanted, or even needed to help in order to stay sane, but you were held to a position that a child could easily fulfill? That is where I stand today. This place makes me question my goals, makes me wonder, do I really want to do this for X years? Once I thought this was the only job for me, I couldn't be happier doing anything else, but a place like this makes you question yourself, makes you doubt who or what you really are. It is times like these when people become desperate, searching for a way, any way out. How much would I give up to just be out of this place, to be any other place in the world? How far could I push myself to get out, how much pain can I suffer if it would only lead to escape. What deal would I make, bridges would I burn? Who ever knows the best way to progress? Do you try to outshine and show how your potential and skills would be better used elsewhere? Or do you make them hate you and wish they were rid of you so it will be easier to leave? But hey, there are supposed to be systems in place to deal with issues like this right? There are supposed to be ways to report unfit leadership. What if every step of the ladder was rotten? Hey, you have a ladder right, but do you trust it enough to actually try and climb it? And every one has faults, even you or I, I complain about you, then you complain about me, but I am the employee and you are the boss, who wins? It sure isn't me. So now I ask myself, where do I go from here. Do I resign myself to suffer at this place until my time to move comes again, or can I push the gears and make things move along faster? Or maybe I can just skip this whole machine and move on to the next one. Unfortunately, at this time, options are limited, my position has little leverage, and the system is broken. We shall see where fate guides and sanity ends.