Sunday, November 14, 2010

Who we are

What is this place? This world? Is the road mine to take where I want or am I on a path out of control that will throw me off whenever it wants? I am only a man. What is a man? Is he a king of his domain, is the world his oyster? Or is he the plankton in the ocean, a spec of sand on the beach? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say, but who are they, and how do they know? What makes this life worth living... Sometimes I feel as if I have all of the answers... Sometimes I feel like I am five years old again and trying to do calculus. I am many things but yet I am nothing. I am every one of you, but you are none of me. I am none of you but you are all of me.



How do I get to where you are, high up and happy on your mountain? Is there a path? Can I drive the easy road? Do I have to fall before I can get up, fail before I can achieve. I have failed, I have failed many times and yet here I am. How many times must I fall off and scrape my knee before there is no skin left to scrape? Can I give up and die? Will you let me? Or will you send me an angel to pick me back up, to keep me moving through a life of suffering? Will you send me a muse to make me think I can actually enjoy this place only to realize that I have no talent to let out my bursting thoughts? Will I find love to lose it? Or will I lose to find love? Is there ever a reward without a struggle? Happiness without the negative side affects? Is every positive laced with the down side or every negative laced with the upside? Do I find joy in despair? Or is there only despair in my joy? Half empty... Half full? Is life just a glass that fills up until it overflows and all that spills is wasted happiness I can never know? Did I waste my whole glass on a life I never wanted to live? Can I dump it out and start over again? Fill it with the life I really wanted?

Do all blessings seem like curses in retrospect? Is there progress without pain? Can I learn to be the lucky one? Or am I destined to wander down the lightless path? The world isn't black and white, only different shades of grey? Why can't I have some color? Can life be full of a vibrant rainbow of events? Do we make our own colors? What color am I to you? Am I black? Blue? Red? Green? Pink? Yellow? Am I a color yet unnamed? Or am I yet undefined to know what color I will turn out? Do I defy color? Are we set to be what we are from the beginning? Did I journey here through the maze of my own choices? Or was this my destination from the start? Was I wondering a straight road I perceived as twisted or a twisted road I thought was straight? Do I move through life or does life fly by me? Am I a hamster on a wheel? All of my effort wasted for a carrot that I will never get? Should I keep going or lay down and sink into the Earth to be forgotten? Would anyone remember that I lived? Would you remember me here? Would these words be all that anyone knows about me? The manic ramblings of nothing and everything? Are we all crazy and just don't know it? Is it the true genius that accepts his madness? Or is it madness to think that we can be genius?

Where is the respect of the times? What is civilization now? An empty black shell of it's former self? This age of technology only distances us from all that we held dear in the past? Where is the beauty of a hand written story? The feel of old brittle pages in our hands? The smell of the dry crisp paper? Smooth leather covering an adventure all its own... Where has life gone that those things are no longer even thought about, besides cared for? What is good and evil? Who decides if we lived a good life? Do you? Will our children? Our parents? Neighbors? Friends? The Church? The Law? Who am I? Sometimes I don't know... Who are you? Can you even begin to define such a thing as a person? Would it fill a sentence or a book? Are there words that exist in order to define something so diverse, so amazing and so horrible as the human existence? Is it even possible to define me, or you? Can we define ourselves or will our own delusions taint any attempt at the feat? Can another define who we are without knowing the constant chaos of our inner selves? Are we made by our actions or our thoughts? Does the decisions we make define who we are? Or are we evil because of our evil thoughts, even if not acted upon? Who am I? Who are you....?




Recommended reading for the mood:
Speaker for the Dead/Orson Scott Card

1 comment:

An E-0 Forever What I Shall Remain and Be said...

Wow! Well put I must say. We are all our own person's but some of us define ourselves with our significant others. Take me as an example I define myself with and through you. Without you, who would I be? I can't honestly sit here and answer that, for the fact that before you there was really no me. It came the time where I given up on this sick twisted taste of life and all the bull crap it was full of. You are who defines me, my color to my rainbow. So no your world is not just grey, you are all the colors of the rainbow that shine upon The'. That is enough, that is all you and I ever shall need. We need no one, nothing, but love and one another. That is the conclusion I have came up with. We will have many battles, many obstacles, many bomb shells and all...but as two souls redefined into one...we will survive through any and everything. Let me be your angel who grabs your hand and gets you through the horrible, terrifing thing called life, as you are mine. You were sent to me for a reason, you are destined to be mine. I love you!

 


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