Longing

I sit here, forced to stay awake by a job that slowly drains and wears on my convictions and I wonder, ponder, think, wish and imagine. Many things can run through ones mind when it is taken out of the normal patterns it has grown accustomed to. I brood about my life and what is wrong with it, why is it turning out the way it is, is it me or is it outside of my control? I just finished reading my Men's Health magazine and all of its wonderful tips on life, love, health and women. I wonder if I am choosing the right path or do I need to give others in my life yet another chance. When do you decide that someone has had too many second chances? Can people change or not? I think that change is possible in every person, but what decides whether they are successful? I say it is them that decides, each person must decide for themselves whether they are to be successful or whether they will let their goals fade and die before their very own eyes. It matters not what I, or anyone else known to them, no matter how close, says or does, to try and help when the person does not have have it in themselves, the drive to fulfill what needs done. Then I must look at myself in the mirror and wonder, do I have what it takes to do what needs be done? Could I survive in ______'s situation? All of these can lead to a multitude of questions ranging from is there are Creator, to why should I continue, to what now? If something you have bet your life on and promised to never give up on fails? What is next? Can my or your pride swallow our own words and work to re-establish everything we just lost after working years to establish it? What does a person do when everything they once enjoyed in life seems to have seeped through the cracks and disappeared without you ever knowing there was even a tiny leak. Is life meant to slowly become less and less....well worth living? I think it is not, and I hope to find a reason, a way, to change my very own thinking process to include fun again. To find enjoyment in everything I do and look forward to everyday. I... well I hope, and that is all I am doing for now.